Gain the right mindset to deal with that difficult co-worker
It is often said that our thoughts create our reality. This is especially the case when people expect others, eg. a co-worker, to be inconsiderate, inflexible or just plain difficult. While some might say this is a realistic expectation for them, the problem with such a mindset is that it will affect the way you relate to them which in turn affects the way they relate to you. Negative mindsets greatly influence how you read their behaviour. Such mindsets are like dark glasses where actions by the other person will be read more negatively than what is warranted.
Viewing that person with compassion can help you to find a kinder way of viewing them, if there is one. If they are complaining about you to another team member, you could see this in very different ways. One is to believe that they are doing this deliberately to undermine your position. Another is to be open to the possibility they may simply be accessing support.
Where there has been a lot of hurt, a forgiving mindset becomes helpful. It is important to remember that forgiveness is done for your own benefit, not for theirs. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Nor does it mean allowing yourself to be on the receiving end of continued hurtful behavior. But it does mean being able to travel lighter within yourself and being better able to better work with the other person.
A business mindset can also be helpful in keeping emotions under control, so discussions are not thrown off-track. This business-like mindset can help you to prepare in advance, develop ideas on how to present the problem so the other person is not feeling attacked, and generate solutions that are likely to be well-received. It will also help you to have counter –offers at the ready if your solutions are not acceptable, as well as a back-up plan for likely challenges. Even when there is a complete lack of goodwill from the other person, a business mindset will help you to be less affected and better able to take action.
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Ken Warren, known as ‘The Doctor of Difficult People’, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
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