Problem personalities at work
Most of us have worked with someone who goes beyond the norm in being difficult. I have heard many stories of managers who treat their staff abominably, co-workers who regularly over-react, turning small frustrations into major issues, and team members who are just plain odd. While we are all someone else’s difficult person at different times, there are some individuals who have a very long history of relationship difficulties. Some of these people we have the pleasure to work with. The reality is that a good number of these people fit the diagnosis of a mental health condition called a personality disorder.
While there are ten different types of personality disorder, there are four things they all have in common. The first is that their history of relationship difficulties extends right back to their adolescent years. You can imagine that it is very difficult to change what has been entrenched for a lifetime. Although you are unlikely to know the early history of a difficult co-worker, such people have a recent history where many people have found this person very difficult.
Secondly, people with personality disorders do not see their behaviour as a problem at all. What most people would see as very dysfunctional behaviour, they see as very functional. For example, a manager who expects his staff to work themselves into the ground see themselves as someone with special knowledge who knows what it takes to get the job done. Even when confronted about their behaviour, people with this condition find it very difficult to see their behaviour as problematic. Some will justify their position, arguing very persuasively why the problem is with others. This causes some of their co-workers to question themselves, wondering whether perhaps they are the problem.
Thirdly, people with personality disorders also have a real lack of empathy for others. They are very much focused on their own perspective, feelings and needs, not other people’s. A co-worker who is highly emotive and disrespectful in her responses to others is totally unable to appreciate how her behaviour is affecting others. They lack self-awareness and a knowledge of the subtleties of relationships.
Fourthly, people with this condition find change very difficult. But then, why change when they do not see their behaviour as a problem? Although most of us can relate to some of the human behaviours above, if you have a history of some good relationships as well as challenging ones, are able to reflect on your own personal flaws, can empathise with others, and improve your behaviour over time, then you probably don’t have a personality disorder.
People with personality disorders can still be very functional and high-achieving in other aspects of their life. In fact, it is often their expertise in certain areas that compels workplaces to put up with their awful behaviour. Although about 8% of the general population have a personality disorder, some research indicates the rate is up to double for managers and other high achievers.
If you have someone on your team who you suspect has a personality disorder, it helps to realise that the problem is not with you and your attempts to change this person are unlikely to be successful. This realisation can free you to take actions that will be more productive – to cope with their behaviour, if that is possible, move them into a role consistent with their strengths – a role that minimises the impact of their personal flaws on others, or to move them or yourself into another work environment.
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Ken Warren, known as ‘The Doctor of Difficult People’, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
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