Open yourself to feedback
When I became a Type One Diabetic at 31, I was skinny for the first time in my life. That part of it was great. But apparently, it was not a good thing and I was put into hospital to be stabilised. Having one brother who was Type One and another who was Type Two, you would think I wouldn't have been surprised. However, at the time, it was a big deal. The nurses were very good though. They said, "Don't worry, Ken. The Diabetes Educator will reassure you and show you how to manage your condition, test your blood sugar, inject yourself, etc".
After three days in hospital without seeing the Diabetes Educator, I asked the nurses to organise for her to see me. I was told the Educator would see me at 3pm the following day. She didn't show up. I asked the nurses to follow up again. A new appointment was made. Once again, no show and no phone call. After a third no-show, I had had enough. I checked myself out, saw my GP, and got started in managing my condition.
A few weeks later, I was still feeling rather let down by that particular person. I thought, "I know what I'll do. I'll give her some feedback!" I called her up and told her that when I was in hospital I was looking forward to her support, but felt very let down on three occasions where she failed to keep her appointment with me or call to let me know she couldn't make it. She replied, "Well, Ken, you are still in the early stages of being stabilised. You are probably over-reacting emotionally to what happened." I said, "I see people by appointment for a living. If I can't keep that appointment, I at least give them a call and make sure I keep the next one." She replied, "You're just an unstable Type One." I ended the conversation.
In defence of this woman, I had no idea of the pressures she was under. Perhaps I could have cut her some slack or given my feedback in a better way or at a better time. And we have all made the same mistake as she did, becoming defensive when someone has given us critical feedback. When people are giving critical feedback, the human response is to become aggressive or defensive. Our heart tends to beat faster. We start to become indignant. And we think, "I think I will give this person some feedback as well!"
Though this is understandable, it is very sad when we do so. Often in critical feedback, even feedback given poorly, there is a gem nonetheless. We need to allow our heartbeat to slow by reminding ourselves that there may be something valuable in their comments. Perhaps they are giving us some clues about what they need from us or are providing some valuable learning. Our failure to be open to feedback to people at work simply results in frustrations continuing for others and for valuable lessons to be lost.
The research says that two-way discussions where both team members and managers are open to feedback is one of the characteristics of highly-performing workplaces. This is not rocket-science, but common sense is not always commonly practised. Make time to talk to your colleagues asking, "How are you going?" Make it easy for others to share their concerns and frustrations. One of the biggest compliments that your team members can give you is that you are approachable.
Let people at work know that you know you are not perfect and would like them to speak with you if they have a concern about you. You can also ask them, "What can I do to be more on track for you?" If you are fortunate enough to have someone who does share a concern, don't be defensive, but offer what you can in response. And remember to ask if they have other concerns. Sometimes people test our response before they open up with their most significant concerns.
Ultimately, when we are open to feedback, frustrations are stopped from building into much bigger concerns and help us to be better at what we do. We need to start seeing feedback as a good thing. Even negative feedback is better than no feedback at all.
Want to use this article?
You are most welcome to reproduce this article in your newsletter or on your website.
All I ask is that you include a live link back to my website and the following by-line:
Ken Warren BA, M Soc Sc, CSP is an expert on People Management Skills and Human Behaviour. With his engaging, interactive and positive presentations, Ken has shown thousands how to improve team performance, provide great customer service, and enhance staff resiliency. Check out all his FREE resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
