Find a good mentor
After my father died when I was very young, I was very lucky when a good man came into my life and, over time, became a father figure to me. Neil, through his example, taught me something about what it takes to be a good man and family man, but most of all, I remember the hugs he would give me (and still does) and how I soaked up this positive warmth and affection. Over the years, he has continued to be a positive influence in my life, celebrating my achievements as well as giving support through the tough times. Some things I have chosen to be different to Neil, but my tendency to laugh like him and find great amusement in my own jokes, shows me he has had a bigger influence than what I may have thought.
Neil has also mentored me over the years, getting alongside of me, encouraging me with my personal and business goals, and often giving good input into my practice. Many schools and youth welfare agencies are also seeing first hand the benefits of mentors by accessing good people who are prepared to mentor young people with problems. When a good connection is made, the benefits are real and ongoing.
I think we all need a mentor to get alongside of us. As a Relationship Counsellor, I have also had a mentoring relationship with therapists senior to me to discuss difficult cases as well as what I am doing well. If that counts as personal therapy, then I have been in therapy for 22 years! I also have the privilege of mentoring other therapists, education professionals, and business owners to do what they do well, and excel in their work and personal life. Such mentoring relationships become especially valuable when you need to debrief or generate solutions to critical challenges experienced at work or home.
Good mentors are best chosen rather than imposed. They may come from people you may already know and respect, but it is important you connect well with them and they have something to offer from their experience. You can keep it informal if you like, simply catching up with them from time to time, or you can formalise such a relationship by asking if they would be prepared to mentor you regularly with your personal or work-related goals. Many people choose mentors outside of their workplace or personal relationships, finding this gives them greater focus and the freedom to discuss challenges where they might otherwise feel inhibited. Ask yourself if you would benefit from a mentoring relationship and who would be the right person to approach.
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Ken Warren, known as ‘The Doctor of Difficult People’, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
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