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7 Keys to Becoming More Likeable
My wife, Christy, recently had to see a new doctor about a few questions she had. When she came home, I asked what the doctor had to say. She said that she couldn’t remember. All she could remember was that she liked him.
If you work with people, the likeability factor plays a huge part in how much people want to work with or do business with you. That is, unless you impress them so much they forget what you had to say.
For those of us in helping roles, the research says that the strength of our connection with people accounts for 30% of any changes that occur. So how do you get people to like you or at least to want to work with you?
Here are what I believe to be the top 7 keys for likeability.
- Who you are. Sometimes it will be your age, occupation, appearance, or even gender that makes you the right person to connect with. But these things you don’t have much control over – you are who you are. But you do have control about making sure you are coming from a good place. People tend to be attracted towards others who are happy and confident. So what you do to be happy at home and work will also affect how well you connect with others.
- Being real and genuine. If people think you are simply relating to them with your work hat on, rather than as a real person, then they will be kept at some distance. If you work in a counselling role, for example, and relate to your friends or family in that manner, you will be sure to irritate them. Genuineness is especially important with men. The research says that men have a slight edge on women on detecting genuineness or the lack of it in others. Some blokes call this ability a 'bull.... detector'.
- Make people feel good about themselves. People love other people who help them to feel good about themselves. Examples include using people’s names, genuine compliments, and connecting with others around food. Even the way you greet people can make a difference. People who are well-liked tend to greet others with warmth and enthusiasm.
- Common factors. We are also attracted towards people who are similar to us in some way, though if you are stubborn and opinionated you probably won’t be attracted to people with the same qualities. It is easier, however, to connect with others who have similar interests or children around the same age, for example. Shared backgrounds, education, values, manners, and even body language (when it is a friendly interaction) can also help us to connect well with others. Even shared adversity or challenges can bring many people closer together.
- Emotional connection. Demonstrating understanding or empathy for the challenges another may be having is one example. But so is laughing with others. When done naturally and sincerely, laughter between people is always a sign of a good emotional connection.
- Balancing genuine interest and self-disclosure. Even if you don’t have many things in common, you can at least be genuinely interested in what is quality in the other person’s life – perhaps their children, their interests, or passions. Self-disclosures also have to be appropriate, of course. You wouldn’t want your doctor, for example, saying to you, “Well, let me tell you about my health problems now!” But you probably wouldn’t object to the doctor letting you know that he has similar-aged children. Unless you have the balance right, people will either feel you know nothing about them or they know nothing about you.
- Being on the same page. By this I mean talking about what others want to talk about before letting it flow naturally onto another topic. For business relationships, it could be to work with what the customer is wanting or needing. We have all had the experience of a salesperson trying to sell us something we do not want, even when we have been clear about what we did want.
So where to from here? You could review the strategies above and see which you can work on. You can also notice those around you who are especially good at connecting with others and what they do that works for them. By improving your likeability, you improve the likelihood people will want to work co-operatively with you, not to mention a few extra friends.
You need to be realistic though. The research says that even people with great people skills will only ever connect well with 85% of the people they meet. Although we can all improve our relating, we can’t be liked by everyone.
Want To Use This Article?
You are most welcome to reproduce this article in your newsletter, e-zine, or on your website. All I ask is that you include a live link back to my website and the following by-line:
Ken Warren, known as ‘The Doctor of Difficult People’, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
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