Rewrite your life story
Whenever my two young boys read a story, invariably they want to act it out in some way. We read a story about a dragon and then they want to make a house for the dragon in our backyard. We read a story about an octopus and then they want to make an octopus.
Although this is very cute in children, I think adults too have stories which they then want to play out. This is all well and good, but some people have very negative stories which they are then acting out in their lives. When I was a teenager, I remember thinking that I had to mourn the death of my father for the rest of my life. To do otherwise, would somehow have been disrespectful to his memory. As a result, for a time, I was a very sad young person.
Although we cannot change sad or traumatic life experiences, we can at least change the stories associated with them. A sad beginning to a story does not necessarily mean a sad ending. As I grew up, I realised that the best tribute I could give my father was living a happy life. Isn't this what every parent wishes for their children? This change to my story has led to a very heavy emphasis on enjoying life as I go, although I confess there are times when I get distracted with less important things.
Let me ask you what stories are you helping to create with your loved ones? With your children, for example, are you helping them to create a story that they are loved, that they are precious, and that they do so many things right, even though their behaviour may not always be on track? Such stories help children to feel confident and also build on their resilience - helping them to feel secure enough to take risks and deal well with adversity when it arises. If they are surrounded with negativity, we shouldn't be surprised when this becomes the dominant story in their life.
My other question is what stories are you allowing to affect your own life? And are you happy with these stories, the theme that underlies them, and how the story plays out? For example, if you have had a partner who was unfaithful to you and then believe that in any future relationships the same story is likely to occur, you can imagine how this will affect what you do.
The good news is that we are the story-writers. And we can change the next chapter. I am not suggesting we write happily-ever-after chapters, especially when there are very difficult circumstances. But we can develop a story-line where we make the best out of the life we have, and make better choices for the future.
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Ken Warren, known as ‘The Doctor of Difficult People’, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
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