Encouragement can tip the scales
When I was planning to start my private practice in 1998, I was fortunate to have a number of people around me who were positive, encouraging, and who believed in me. There was also one person who came across as discouraging. You can guess which person initially had the most impact. However, in the end, I paid more attention to my supporters, took a risk, and was very glad that I did.
Encouragement is so important, especially when we are feeling vulnerable. Our words can powerfully influence others, either by encouraging and building up, or they can be negative, knocking people down. A few words of encouragement can sometimes tip the scales between failure and success.
Australians often encourage in an indirect way, through good-natured teasing. When Aussies do this to their mates, they are really saying the opposite - that they like or approve of that person. But I think we can all use encouragement in a more direct way, especially from those people who are dearest to us.
Parents do this well by communicating their pleasure in their children's qualities and achievements. Smart parents find something new to praise their children about on a regular basis. Even when there has been a lot of misbehaviour, some parents encourage any small improvements they see.
One mother I knew had teenage boys who fought regularly. She was able to reduce their arguing by noticing small improvements her boys sometimes made, such as ending their fight after one minute instead of after five minutes. Even after awful fights, she would later give positive feedback about how the fighting could have been even worse and therefore the boys did something right in controlling their behaviour. She also noticed times they got on better and praised them for this. Criticism makes a difference, but encouragement does more.
Our friends support us when we are going through a tough time, by having hope that things will eventually get better or giving messages that we can do it, even when we feel we can't. Encouragement helps take the hardness out of life.
We can also encourage ourselves by remembering our past successes or simply putting one foot in front of the other and noticing the improvements, no matter how small. As you take advantage of opportunities to give or receive genuine encouragement, you will notice the difference it makes.
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Ken Warren, known as ‘The Doctor of Difficult People’, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
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