Difficult feedback made easy
Imagine this. One of your female staff members is regularly turning up for work in very low-cut dresses, which you believe is inappropriate for your workplace. What do you do? A male manager I know was faced with this dilemma. He did not want to offend this person, but nor was this something he could ignore, so to speak. Giving constructive feedback to staff is something many managers find very stressful. So much so, that they avoid saying anything at all. The trouble with not saying anything is that performance concerns go unaddressed, often leaving other staff members frustrated with their manager.
What did my friend end up doing? Each time this staff member came to work dressed more appropriately, he complimented her on how nicely dressed she looked. When she was flashing her cleavage, he simply did not make any comment at all. Over time, this strategy of using positive feedback whenever he could, resulted in improved dress standards. Other managers, I think, would simply chicken out – saying nothing at all. There certainly is a time to cut people slack. But there are also times when we cannot ignore inappropriate behaviour or poor performance. My friend could have used the direct and blunt approach, “For heaven’s sake, cover yourself up!” You may well be able to get away with the direct approach depending on the strength of your relationship with the person you are giving feedback to and their sensitivity to what you are saying and how you are saying it.
If you are going to use a direct approach, a more respectful way of giving feedback is to criticise yourself first, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I spoke to you about the dress standards expected at the office ...” or “Perhaps I am making a bigger deal out of this than what I need to ...” Some would say that the sensitivity of the issue requires that another approach should be taken.
My friend could have taken a less direct approach, engaging staff in a discussion about dress standards. People tend to be more open to change if they themselves generate ideas about how to achieve the goal you have set. But the goal needs to be stated in a way where someone is not feeling like the finger is being pointed at them. Other times, it is not so much how you say things but who is saying it. A female staff member may well be able to get away with saying what needed to be said.. There are a hundred ways to give feedback, but the challenge is finding ways that are effective and preserve workplace relationships.
Want to use this article?
You are most welcome to reproduce this article in your newsletter, e-zine, or on your website. All I ask is that you include a live link back to my website and the following by-line:
Ken Warren, known as ‘The Doctor of Difficult People’, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
Return to Articles page
Find out about coaching programs with Ken
Check out our upcoming public seminars
Book Ken for your next conference or in-house training day
