Tips for better negotiating
Negotiation is an everyday part of life. But to negotiate often takes a conscious effort to change from the familiar way of operating – perhaps insisting on our own way, arguing things out, or giving in and feeling resentful. Here are a few tips for more productive negotiations.
Where possible, prepare in advance. Consider outcomes that would address more of what you are and the other person are both wanting or needing.
Commit yourself to a win/win approach, even if tactics used by the other person seem unfair. It is worth checking that you both fully understand the other’s position and why this is so important to them. Of course, if you want them to listen to and understand you, you are better to first listen to and understand them. Check with them that you have understood them correctly.
Reinterpret an attack on you as an attack on the issue. It often helps to agree to negotiate - that you want to steer the discussion in a positive direction with a good outcome for both.
Manage your emotions and let some accusations, attacks, threats or ultimatums pass. If unfair tactics continue, change the physical circumstances by having a break, changing the location or seating arrangements, meeting privately or with another person. If necessary, call for the meeting to end and resume later to give you both an opportunity to think and reflect.
Agree with them wherever you can and remember the “save face” principle. Make it possible for the other person to back down without feeling humiliated, eg. By identifying changed circumstances which could justify a changed position on the issue. You can also help them to save face by not insisting they acknowledge they were wrong or inconsiderate.
As you work at resolving the issue, it is important that you maintain your relationship with them. There are not many issues that are more important than our relationships. Have the attitude that you are working towards an outcome that is fair for both. Summarise how far you’ve got and review the common ground and any agreement so far. You may then have to go away and sleep on it and reconnect later.
Focus on being partners solving the problem rather than on being opponents. If stuck, it can help dividing the issue into parts and addressing a less difficult aspect. Invite trading, eg. “If you will do ..., I will do ...” Even if the options you are putting forward are not acceptable, you are at least focusing the discussion on future options rather than getting stuck in the past.
Be inventive about options. I find if people are creative, flexible and patient enough, eventually a compromise emerges that is generally acceptable to both. It may be one person giving in totally to the other’s position, or it may involve flexibility from both. Agreements do not tend to work perfectly, and you may need to reconnect to either recommit to what was agreed or to negotiate it further.
If you are not able to respond to what people say they are wanting, at least respond to what they need. This might be their need to be heard, to be consulted, to have some control, or to have some choice or freedom. Remember, we do not always get what we want, but we can usually get some of what we need.
Ken Warren is the Director of Positive People Solutions - a speaking and consultancy business which helps:
- Managers and their teams - to have great working relationships, enjoy their work, and perform at their best
- Education, health, and welfare professionals - to achieve better outcomes with challenging clients and feel more satisfied with their work
Subscribe to his free newsletter through www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au and receive 3 e-books on building a happier and more productive workplace.
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