Living More in the Present
I have to confess to some bad thinking habits.
When I am relaxing, for example, I sometimes feel guilty for taking it easy. When I am on holidays, I have sometimes caught myself thinking about all the things I need to do or should be doing for my work. Sometimes I find myself worrying about the future rather than simply enjoying the here and now.
I wonder where these bad thinking habits have come from. Have I absorbed the protestant work-ethic that makes it hard for me to relax? Have I inherited the worry-gene from my mother who excelled in this regard? Or is it simply bad habits of thinking that I have practised over the years and relapse into from time to time? (I think it is mainly the latter).
Does any of this sound familiar to you? There are many of us who find it hard to enjoy the present, instead replaying the past in our minds or worrying about the future. Perhaps, along with me, you can make a point of living more in the present. The benefits are there of course - greater peace and enjoyment of our living. We only have one shot at this life. We may as well enjoy the journey.
Certainly there are times when I do this well. I think of times when I am really present and listening to my wife, Christy. Or when I am playing with my children in the pool. I am also present in the moment when I am cycling, focusing on the road immediately in front of me. Also when I am laughing and talking with my mates during the ride and over coffee.
Living in the present does not always come easily. We have to monitor our thinking and catch ourselves when focusing excessively on the past or worrying unproductively about the future. Here are some things I have noticed that work for me and other people. Perhaps you can relate to some of them.
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Fully appreciate the moments of joy in each day. Every day comprises moments that give us joy and satisfaction, but we don't always notice or appreciate them. One of the ways we can do so is by talking more about these moments. A nice tradition we have in my family is asking each other about the highlight of their day. Some days are full of highlights. Other days you have to search for them.
But they are there - even in the middle of adversity. Where there are highlights or not, we can at least create moments of joy for others. My six-year-old son, Jamie, will sometimes tell me it is talking to me as I am putting him to bed that was the highlight of his day. He obviously knows where his bread is buttered!
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Refocus your attention. Many of us refocus our attention by changing what we are doing. A change of actions can often help to change our thinking. Even simple tasks such as cleaning, a task you have to do at work, or simply noticing what is right with your life can help to refocus your attention.
Others refocus by opening up their senses - what they are seeing, hearing, doing, and feeling - focusing on your breathing is one example of this. Allowing yourself to fully experience the moment can certainly help you to focus on the here and now.
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Change your thinking. Sometimes after a busy day, I will ask Christy if it is OK if I relax on the couch reading the paper. Of course, she is very good at reassuring me it is fine to do so. But, of course, it is not so much her words but how I am thinking afterwards that then helps me to relax in the moment - that it is OK for me to do so.
What sort of thinking works for you? Do you need to remind yourself about what is really important to you? At the very least start practising the thought, "Is what I am doing and thinking at the moment helping me to enjoy the here and now more?"
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Let go of past hurts and disappointments. Surely one of the best ways to rob you of enjoyment of the present is to hold onto hurts and disappointments from the past that are all too easy to replay in your mind. There are two things that are important in letting go of past hurts - firstly, simply wanting to, and secondly, reminding yourself that you want to let go as those memories and feelings are re-experienced.
Letting go is often something you practice over time. It does not necessarily mean forgetting or excusing. If you are one of those people who beat yourself up over your own shortcomings - a more productive use of your energy is to focus on the present by making amends if this is possible or looking for the lessons.
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Focus on action today. When we are dealing with challenges that life sends our way, we still have to move our energy to the present - either taking action to address those concerns or accepting what is out of our control. Are you unhappy with your work at present?
Of course, there are some things we simply need to accept and put up with. But otherwise, what actions can you take to address those concerns? Or do you need to take action to get yourself into another workplace?
I hope you will join me in enjoying the present more over the coming year. Ultimately, the here and now is all we have.
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Ken Warren BA, M Soc Sc, CSP is an expert on People Management Skills and Human Behaviour. With his engaging, interactive and positive presentations, Ken has shown thousands how to improve team performance, provide great customer service, and enhance staff resiliency. Check out all his FREE resources at www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au
